A Psychologist Shares 5 ‘Too Selfish, Right’ People Always Use – And How To Deal With Them

We are all innately selfish to some extent. The real challenge is achieving a balance of “healthy egoism” that allows you to focus on the self rather than being self-involved.

As a workplace psychology researcher, I’ve spent more than 30 years helping companies deal with overly selfish employees, especially those whose behavior can be harmful to teammates.

Here are five toxic phrases that selfish and overly entitled individuals use all the time — and how to deal with them:

1. “These comments are insulting.”

Eligible Persons will interpret any constructive comments as a personal attack. They refuse to accept the universal truth that there is always room for growth.

They believe they can do no wrong, which makes them very sensitive to any suggestion that their work could need improvement.

2. “My ideas are valuable and always merit serious consideration.”

No matter how humble they actually are, selfish people tend to assume that they always bring exceptional value to others.

They ignore the fact that most of our ideas, opinions, and proposals have flaws, no matter how much effort we invest in them.

3. “Their success comes at my expense.”

A person who is extremely selfish tends to be less successful than someone who directs their selfish tendencies to help others.

As they struggle to see the value in the support of those around them, they believe others’ victories are unfair and the result of special treatment.

4. “Why are you always trying to control me?”

Well-qualified people really dislike bosses who give directions or set clear expectations. For them, the principal’s instructions are at best mere suggestions, or at worst, an attempt to mistreat them.

5. “You’re being disrespectful by not agreeing with me.”

Qualified people expect recognition of their experiences and perspectives, and show little interest in learning from others.

So, when someone presents a different point of view, they don’t see it as a learning opportunity, but rather as a sign of ignorance.

1. Avoid them, if and when possible.

Dealing with selfish people usually leads to negative results. Unfortunately, they are widespread, so learning how to deal with them is essential to shaping your success and future.

And sometimes, you have to speak up, even if it’s just for your peace of mind.

2. Set clear boundaries.

Call them out when their behavior becomes too much.

Ask questions like: “Can you explain how this behavior benefits the company?” or “Do you really think this behavior is in your best interest?”

At the very least, you can make it clear that their behavior is unacceptable to you and is harmful to your working relationship.

3. Educating them about the risks they face.

Selfishness has many negative effects that you can bring up.

For example, you could say, “If you only focus on what works for your needs, you get a narrow view. This affects everything from tasks to interactions to learning, and it won’t serve you in the long run.”

Or, “If you see everything as a personal affront, you will feel constantly frustrated, dissatisfied, and weighed down by negative thoughts about others. Isn’t that stressful?”

Either way, know that you may not get the response you were hoping for. But if you approach the conversation from an authentic place, you might see a breakthrough.

Stephen Falk He is an executive coach, workplace psychology expert, and author Intrinsic motivation: learn to love your job and succeed like never before. A McKinsey & Company alumnus has trained more than 4,000 leaders in more than 60 organizations and helped drive transformations worth more than $2 billion. follow him linkedin.

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